Becoming a Skilled Inner Parent
We can access the most brave healing challenges by deepening our relationships with our inner children an becoming more advanced inner parents.
Original post from Substack July 30th 2024:
The first step of inner parenting:
First we find the resources that work for us. I often tell my clients to build a menu of resources that help them get to regulation. Do “research” in low stakes situations before we are intense trauma healing on the types of activities that make you feel good. And when you find something, write it on the list.
Things that can be explored are: YouTube soundbaths you enjoy, walks that help you process your thoughts, guided meditations on insight timer, the space journaling holds for you, music, breath work, etc.
Advancing Our Inner Parenting
Then once we have built some skill in learning how to get ourselves to regulation, we learn that our bodies want different things at different times- and here is where we become a skilled inner parent.
For example, if I am in a state of complete nervous system overwhelm- doing activities that will push me and try to bring on intense emotions will be too much for me. For example, I try to avoid doing activities like intense holotropic breathwork in favor of using my weighted blanket, doing slow gentle breathing, staying inside, doing sound baths, and limit the possibilities of new negative stimuli that I am less prepared to deal with.
If in a state of ungroundedness or numbness because there are emotions I don’t want to feel, I may do that type of holotropic breathwork to help me channel power into my body to move through the emotions. I might do a slow yoga class that has me connect more to my body and sensations, I might journal. I might do EFT tapping, I might schedule an appointment with a healer. I might have mimosa tea or cacao which are both good for moving emotions.
If I am angry or frustrated or processing my intense emotions, I might try more quick movement like going for a long walk, I might put my “angry” playlist on and sing dramatically, I might journal and write in all caps!
If I’m sad, I might listen to emo music that can relate to how I am feeling, I might sing and play guitar, write poetry, journal, go on a walk, and I will definitely cry! (Hello oxytocin, I need you now<3)
If I am feeling lost and taken over by fear or negative beliefs, I focus on the practices that make me feel spiritually strong. I might do mantras, prayers, affirmations, qi gong in the morning and have a strong daily routine, and keep my incense going constantly to keep clearing the heavy and old versions of myself (There is a rose incense that I love).
There is so much wisdom to gain from tuning in skillfully to our bodies. Processing our emotions really helps us get to the golden nugget of wisdom to know ourselves and our needs better. It allows us to find more of ourselves on this healing journey.
New work updates:
New YouTube on the Importance of Ancestral Healing for Culture Change. I keep working on improving my content is a big goal of this year!