Stepping Into Our Fullest Selves
*Originally from a email newsletter sent March 24th, to subscribe share your email at the bottom of the page:
I have been thinking and growing through the concept one of my teachers, Maryam Hasnaa, calls "Attachment versus Authenticity." I deeply believe each of us, in our unique essence, is supposed to bring the gift of their unique essence to our communities and lives. So we lose something important, individually and collectively, when we sacrifice ourselves and make ourselves into smaller or different versions of ourselves for our relationships or jobs or anything else external. Gabor Mate is one of my favorite teachers that talks about how our upbringings can cause us to choose outside validation over ourselves.
When we choose our relationships (including friendships), or jobs, or any other thing external over ourselves, we will find that stepping away from them is harder than just a mentally wanting to. We may know that we should step away, but underneath our body's refusal to step away is because of often subconscious, underlying fears. If walking away from a friendship means you have to face your fear that "I am a loner and no one likes me"- then of course, even when it feels like it's time for you to choose yourself, it's going to be hard to finally face your fear. So we need the resources, we need guidance. And the funny thing is, if you stay in that friendship that is disconnected and doesn't see you, you will still be affirming that reality "I am a loner and no one likes me" because you're not your authentic self, and the friendship doesn't make you feel good.
So ultimately, to face our fears and brave our fears, to be our most authentic selves, we have to know what resources work for us to support ourselves. The first step is always to nourish your nervous system. Self-care in the non consumeristic meaning of the word: rest, sleep in, go on beautiful walks, the simple things. Then find the other things in your nervous system tool kit to be able to walk forward and away.
I have gone through this, especially with friendships lately. I have seen that from a young age I went to friendships for validation. And the more I wanted validation that I was a worthy friend, the more I sacrificed my full self for my relationships. And letting disconnected friendships go took me through a death portal, where I needed to face my deepest fears. Though I am grateful for the portal because losing friendships, going into more aloneness, and facing my fear has made me feel more devoted to myself. More in love with myself- and I've finally reprogrammed my body that being my full self is worth it, and no one or thing outside of myself can validate me.
Affirm: I am lovable, I am perfect in the unique essence I bring to the community.
I love this deep work because I believe this work is the practical work necessary for the dream work of imagining and creating a new future for us. With all that is going on in the world, it's more important than ever to stay focused on our own and collective healing. To create a new future for ourselves, the earth, and our children we need people choosing to live in their unique brilliance rather than societal programming, we need leaders, we need healed relationships that can create loving belonging and support for all people.
My offering: You may have seen that I have an upcoming 4-week pre-recorded course called "Uncovering Your Path" that is really meant to help people move towards their divine, unique path. As I spoke about above, I am really passionate about people understanding and gaining the tools that work for themselves to be their "tool kit" through this deep healing. I am passionate about people learning what resources support them through nervous system regulation, so I will bring different ideas and experimentation to help people create their tool kit. I want to support people in getting clarity, because the more people that follow their paths the more we will undo these systems. This work doesn't just benefit you, it's taking care of yourself to take care of our communities, and create a new future for us all. This course is 50% off until this Sunday. Let me know if you have any questions. I am also learning and dancing with my unique essence and gifts and so I am happy to offer the wisdom that I have learned so far to support others.
Journal Prompts/Self-Reflection Questions:
What area in my life leaves me feeling drained?
If the possibilities in my life were endless, what area would I want to be different?
What quality do I wish I could embody more of?
Love and abundant blessing for this Spring
Arielle